JOAQUIN, MY GRANDSON

As I see you on the net, I feel you're right beside me
I remember your moves when you were still two
I cried so hard when I couldn't find you
Oh, pretty little boy, lost control of you!

I did not imagine that you would hide from me
And made me feel like a careless grandma, didn't know what to do
Searching and calling you Joaquin, but God, no answer was uttered
How could you just be gone, my mind can not admit.

Maybe my tears frightened you to get out
That made me more nervous,
Casually, you walked in front of me, fine I had to be
Now, I know that I was over protective of you.

CORAZON COJUANGCO-AQUINO, My Idol

"I've reached a point in life where it's no longer necessary to try to impress. If they like me the way I am, that's good. If they don't, that's too bad.” Corazon Aquino quote.

I was carrying my 4-year-old son when the 20-year rule of then President Ferdinand Marcos was ended by the people power that took place at EDSA. Activist by heart, I failed to join any of the assemblies before that successful day. I had to follow the orders of my husband. Ding strictly gave his instructions never to leave my three children. From February 22 to 25, 1986, hubby was not able to come home. He was under the command of the Manila Police Superintendent as they were supposed to guard Channel 4 round-the-clock. He would only have 2 hard-boiled eggs and rice for lunch and alternate of one-piece chicken. According to them, what they were doing for the country was an advantage rather than performing their work. I remember the words that Ding told me in a telephone conversation that whatever happens to him, he was doing a heroic act. As I faced the boob-tube, I was trembling in fear seeing the army tanks. Hearing the accounts of the correspondents, I almost forgot that my husband was right inside the TV station. Split-seconds and I would become a widow. Thank God that the situation got better when the dictator left Malacanang.

I jumped for joy not because Ding was safe. Such display of emotions was the result of the perceived victory over the long revolt. As I was crying, Yang also cried with me. Mabel and Nini were inside the room and had very little knowledge that their Dad cheated life and that a new government was about to be installed.

When Ding went home, he told me that his group was recalled from the original assignment and was made to guard Malacanang near Arlegui. That, I only knew when he went home to tell his account of the stories behind the television.

My experience as a police officer's wife on February 22 to 25 in 1986 is an unwritten novel. How much more can a writer pen about the experiences of a wonderful woman who joined her husband in all of his political aspirations for the country? And after the loss of Ninoy, continue the unfinished mission?

I cry every time I see Cory in her triumphs and pains. She was my idol and would be my idol till my last breath. I have yet to see a woman who can surpass the love and patience she gave to her family and country. Now that she's gone, only her memories will be left as my guide.

And I will do the same for my husband. Only, in a smaller dimension.

BIYAHE

Maaga kami tumawid ng karagatan mula sa Calapan patungo sa Batangas. Kailangan naming mag RORO dahil marami akong dala at may meeting kami sa San Pablo. Alas tres ng umaga kami umalis pero aalis ang barko ng alas kuwatro. Hahabulin ko sana ang antok ko pero sa di kagandahang pangyayari, may tatlo kaming nakasakay na gising na gising. Walang kaantok-antok kaya ganadong ganadong magkwentuhan. Napag-alaman ko tuloy na di masyadong honest ang mga nakapaligid sa kanila dahil ultimo chocolate at tsinelas ay nawawala. May mga edad na sila kaya di ko inisip na nakashabu. Sandaling nawala ako sa takbo ng kwento. Marahil ay nakasalisi ako ng tulog. Balak pa sanang ulitin ng sekretarya ko ang kwento sa aming drayber. Mabuti at nagpapigil matapos kong bigyan ng isang masamang tingin. Hay, ayoko na ireplay ang mga kwento.

Sa hirap na inabot ko sa maghapon, di na ako bumalik sa Calapan. Remote ko na lang pakikilusin ang mga tao. Kalulubog lang daw ng isang RORO sa Kabisayaan kahapon. Ito rin siguro ang nagpaandar ng takot blues ko sa tubig.Nagpahatid na lang ako sa Turbina. Sanay na ako sa Jam Transit sumasakay. Pero walang Jam. Napilitan akong lumarga sa Lucena Bus Lines. Ang layo ng kaibahan ng mga drayber nila. Sa Jam, para kang safe na safe ala Amerika. Sa bus stop lang humihinto at magalang ang tauhan. Suwabeng suwabe ang takbo ng bus ng Jam. Kabalintunaan naman ang Lucena Bus Lines, although, high-tech ang ticketing dahil naka POS, ang drayber naman ay may nakaaway pang kapwa drayber, nahuli ng MMDA police, at lahat ng pasahero ay ibinababa sa delikadong lugar. Hirit pa nya, huwag kang matakot, di ka nyan sasagasaan! Aba, marunong pang magpalakas ng loob! Promise, Jam for life na ako. Second room ko na kasi ang bus na ito. Para akong pinaghehele at gigising lang kapag may magtitinda sa Balagtas at Turbina. Sandali lang naman iyon. Close na kami ng mga konduktor. Alam na nila na tatayo muna ako bago dumating ng Santulan at kung hindi ay di ako makakalakad pababa.

Dalawa ang bayad ko sa FX pauwi sa Obando. Di kasi kasya ang wetpu ko pag apat kami. Minsan, nagtipid ako, isa lang binayad ko. Ang inabot ko, yung katabi ko pisik ng pisik. Di ko na lang pinansin. Pero minsan din, yung natipid kong 40 pesos ay kinulang pa para ipambili ko ng gamot sa sakit ng tuhod. Pag may pagkakataon, mag sa suggest ako sa mga kongresista na matapos nilang pahalagahan ang mga kababaihan, katandaan, kabataan, homosexual, at mga maysakit, ay pagtuunan naman nila ang kapakanan ng mga matataba. Dapat yung FX, gawing tatluhan lang o kaya naman, mas laparan para kasya ang apat. Di naman namin kasalanan ang maging malusog. Kaunti lang naman kumain ang matataba sa akala namin.

Para sa akin, ang bawat biyahe ay isang aral sa buhay. Mahirap mamasukan sa opisina. Ubos ang oras mo sa kalye. Pero ako, walang nasasayang na oras. Natutuhan kong matulog nang nakaupo. Natutuhan kong pagtiyagaan ang kwento ng buhay ng mga kasakay. At higit sa lahat, damang dama ko ang buhay pauwi sa tahanan.

THEME THURSDAY - STAGE

When I was young, I feared to be onstage. Mother taught me how not to be frightened. First, I must believe in my self. Second, everyone else has the same feelings. And third, she told me that the earth is the biggest stage where people act and speak. The audience will judge you. But the final judgment will come from the Chairman of the Board of Judges, GOD.

With this in mind, I was able to overcome my fear. I joined a lot of oratorical contests and won. I joined the Dramatics club in high school and I was applauded. I sang "The Greatest Performance of My Life" live at the Activity Center of an old mall in my middle age.

Now, I can be onstage anytime. Be it for the church, be it in Rotary, be it at the office. My career was moving gently towards the top because of the stage. The largest stage I am performing at is a risky one. The stage where people have various interests but one thing is common. Each actor wants what he likes. And that makes my life complicated.... especially if your role is like mine.

Our 33rd Wedding Anniversary

Last Saturday, 4th of July, was our 33rd wedding anniversary. Dep and I ran out of good idea where we could celebrate. We decided to have congee and a couple of side dish both of us like at NENA's in Panghulo. Our family is really fond of LUGAW! Then, we proceeded to Sangandaan to have the tarps and brochures printed out. These are the materials we need for the Sagip project. When we went home, I stayed at the garden for quite sometime. I was surprised to see the 12 red roses arranged in a flower vase given by Dep. That's how he gives flowers to me. Never face to face.

The day before our anniversary, we met the whole family except Gear. We had our snacks at Wendy's and proceeded to the computer stores at SM Annex to buy the much needed laptop. I was so excited to have another one after my first unit broke.

Thy Will Be Done

A group of men and women were gathered at Ysidro's Garden. That night, they were bound for a three-day trip to Puerto Galera. Target: Team Building to face a very big challenge of their lives - to become change agents in Obando.

Much is expected by the community when rich leaders came in but the HOPE that was introduced in our town broke into pieces when one promise after the other did not materialize. Another one is coming in who never had any chance to talk to the grassroot level. How could they relate?

The group I am referring is the team who was torn between a decision to run or not to run with Ding. First, the only weapon they have is a firm resolve that they can help the community. PERIOD. NO MONEY TO BUY hmnn. But they have all the pledges from friends who believe in their advocacy. Just like a chicken and egg question who is first. COMMITMENT then RESOURCES or RESOURCES then COMMITMENT? Hard to answer.

Thank God, the team realized that what they are doing was not for a single person and that person needs people to work with. This is really a work of the GOOD Creator. Here are the events that happened:

1. Signal No. 2 in Oriental Mindoro 2 days before the Team Building seminar. It stopped.
2. Daughter of the Resource Speaker had fever. She was healed the night before.
3. Members of the Team were being brainwashed by the evil that men do.
4. Misinformation that Ding will no longer run in the elections was being spread like a wildfire.
5. Chris was sick but recovered from feeling bad.
6. The absence of Cesar and Bening can be redeemed by communicating to them what happened.
7. All negative thoughts were wiped out.

The Team went home with high Spirits after a bloodless compact held on Saturday night.

THY WILL BE DONE!

My First Footprints on Mindoro

March 4, 2009, I was invited by my predecessor to attend their meeting with the employees assigned in the field. The office is very nice including the people I will be working with. I intend to stay in Mindoro even on weekends to concentrate on updating the records and revising the work assignments.

First steps in Mindoro, I figured out I will enjoy staying there. The environment is clean, fresh air, fresh vegetables, fresh thoughts. I will be finishing more books. I love to live in solitude. This is not work for me. I believe, this is a mission.

Dep accompanied me. RM and EO were also with me. That's the support I really need these days.